Gilgamesh draft feedback

• Begin you paper with a short sentence or two with the background.  Situate the reader within the time, place, people. 

• Create the most specific, argumentative thesis, showcasing the major (and separate and different) ideas underlying each body paragraph. If you don't have one now, read each body paragraph and include the main idea of each within the thesis.

• Check that your body paragraphs are well organized.  Each should deal with a DISTINCT analytical category, such as social structure, political structure, or religious beliefs.  You might be able to create two or three body paragraphs on sub-analytical categories,  such as workers, women, or children for three separate body paragraphs.  Another example could be religious deities, religious practices, etc.  A clue that your body paragraph is NOT a body paragraph is that you only have one or two sentences or pieces of evidence.

• Craft specific topic sentences that go beyond any single piece of evidence or fact and instead make an argument for that particular paragraph.  
• Not effective: Gilgamesh was the king of the people of Uruk.
• Effective: Gilgamesh failed to act as protector of the people's welfare.

• Locate and use specific textual passages from Mitchell's translation of Gilgamesh and Kramer's article on the Sumerians to support your topic sentences.   For those of you who didn't, make sure your final version incorporates specific textual passages.  These can be short and concise. 
• See below for examples. 

• Incorporate textual evidence in your essay, either using quotes or by paraphrasing it. Here is a great example of how to do this, with each source:
• Ex: According to Kramer, "Sumer was . . . inhabited by the people who spoke the non-Semitic language and had invented cuneiform writing." (71)
• Ex: Gilgamesh illustrated how political and religious power were intertwined: "Enlil granted [Gilgamesh] the kingship[.]" (90)  
• Ex: Kramer argued that Sumerians lacked "great art" (76) and yet Gilgamesh was shown repeatedly ordering the production of great works of art (69, 156-7).

• Please go through the paper and make sure you simply use PAST TENSE throughout.

• Please go through the paper and make sure you eliminate PASSIVE VOICE throughout. Start your sentences with an actor, rather than starters such as "There are several examples of" . . .
• Ex:  Gilgamesh illustrated the enormity of the powers of the Sumerian king. 
• Ex: Kramer argued that Sumerians were devoted to their gods and goddesses. 
• Ex: Gilgamesh illuminated the feasts, festivals, and funerary offerings of Sumerians (87, 154), with a similar depiction in Kramer (77, 79). 
• Note the above sentences also show how to PARAPHRASE VERY SPECIFIC IDEAS.